ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
