I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
