I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
