as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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