a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
