I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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