and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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