are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
the raccoons are back...
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