You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
