i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
