dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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