It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
