so explain again why im purple
no
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
