Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
