we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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