So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
