Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
