why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
