I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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