I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
