I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His nipple licking is glorious
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