It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
