Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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