Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
false alarm, still single
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize