Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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