i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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