how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
