Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
