Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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