Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
