Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
from now on my penis is your penis
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do herpes really smell.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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