My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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