she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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