The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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