hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
