new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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