Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
accomplished twins. life is a go
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
