I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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