Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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