Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
