Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
