adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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