Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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