hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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