Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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