it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I love having hate sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
