I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
