Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
