and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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