i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
