i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
