i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
