you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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