Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
