Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
