discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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