it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
