He uses pillows to masturbate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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