i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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