I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
