goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
