After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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