he wants to bone in the snuggie
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Found your dick twin last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
