did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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