I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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