you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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