My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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