I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
