While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
