I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
