1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
