a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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