plz talk dirty to me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
