Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
