What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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