the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
