At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
