K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
