Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I did not marry a roomba.
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