The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A+ Viking dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
