I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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