at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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