YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
