There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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